Danger is ONE of My Middle Names; the Other Starts with C
Haly's introduction to a new Section where she lets her true feelings be known about a subject of her choosing. Today, it's Thaddeus Thomas's piece on en media res.
Hi, friends. It’s me, the polite, friendly Haly that you’ve come to know and trust. This is a new section of the newsletter. It’s where I keep my grown-up words and feelings, where I revel in the full lusty body of profanity I’ve built up in my life.
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Someone couldn’t keep Uncle Kurt’s name out of his prose, and poof, Mami’s in the house.
For days,
has been teasing us—me especially—with a piece on one of my favorite tools in all of storytelling. Today, he dropped it, and you can read his thoughts on En Media Res here, in their entirety, before I shred them like a 16-hour brisket.
Make no mistake, this was a personal take-down.
For weeks, you’ve all seen me poke at him and poke at him and poke at him, right in the fucking belly-button. Trying to find the fun. Trying to find the passion. Trying to find the Titanic voice of a pillar in the Fictionstack community and the culture that we’re building and propagating through ideas like
and .Today, he peeked an eye out of the cupboard where he’s been stashed. Now. Let’s see if we can make him fucking roar!
In this essay, we’re going to fuck right off trying to pass TASTE as FACT!
I’ve got my flensing knife. Let’s take this nice and slow…one exquisite slice at a time.
The One-Sentence Essay: In Medias Res is a structural choice where the author begins the story somewhere in the story’s middle or possibly later.
— Thaddeus Thomas
Notice how he redefines “definition” as “One-Sentence Essay.” *stare* That right there tells you exactly what you’re in for.
Otherwise, this is true. It’s a structural choice and an advanced technique which—when applied with skill in the right circumstances—can provide a sense of both place and character in an economy of words.
Start as close to the end as possible.
—Kurt Vonnegut
This. This is where the rage began.
He knows I worship at the altar of Vonnegut’s chair. I have sat in it. I type myself fucking love notes on his typewriter and pour my heart out to the framed rejection letters on the walls of the Kurt Vonnegut Museum and Library in Indianapolis, Indiana. (If you love books and love writing, go support them. In this economy? More than ever. Their work is critical.)
The worse crime: he knows there’s a better Vonnegut quote that actually better defines the spirit of en media res:
Make your characters want something right away even if it’s only a glass of water.
—Kurt Vonnegut
Ignoring that quote was like carving my name on the lawn dart he lobbed in my general direction.
“Not everything’s about YOU, Haly.”
Bullshit. True, but bullshit. This is. And he says it out loud. Right here.
Please note that I said “start with activity and interest.” That was very clever of me and I deserve applause, dammit. We usually say “start with action” and people associate action with violence and adventure. When you hear advice that tells you to put your reader right into the action, I want you to think activity and interest. Things are moving and there is a goal, not the eventual primary goal but a goal nonetheless, and whatever this activity is, it demands attention and holds interest.
You see? He could have gone with the ‘make your characters want’ line. And he fucking KNOWS it. Applause, my ass. You deserve to eat shit and choke on it!
Still don’t believe me? Look at this horse shit excuse.
There is no reason for true in medias res except as a structural choice, and that’s because it’s a dangerous choice.
Gloomer Uncle Thad here to shit on everyone’s fun. “You can’t handle it, pussy, stick to classical structure.” I mean, sure, if you’re all about that TradPub life.
But, really, is that what we’re here for? Is it? I mean, some of us, sure, I guess. I’ll admit that’s where my head was when I started this journey. I wanted to build an audience that would serve me as I rose in the New York Times Bestseller lists. What I found instead is a community of amazing people I’m honored to serve.
And also, this shithead. 👇🏻
In fact, in medias res is best justified when you realize your story is two bridges spanning the same gorge. It was a truss bridge and then changed to a suspension bridge. The change is awkward and jarring, and both bridges have complete structures all their own. The most pleasant driving experience would be to wake up (preferably as a passenger) where the bridges join. You experience half the gorge but the entire structure of the suspension bridge. If you missed anything important on the truss bridge, the driver can tell you about it on the way.
That metaphor is clear and requires absolutely no explanation, whatsoever.
My guy. Even you don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to say here. The only thing shakier than this metaphor is the picture of this monstrosity of poor engineering and questionable construction practices.
The story here is Mothman comes and tells you to turn right the fuck around and go back, Bruv!
I’m ashamed that I needed to comment on your bridge metaphor, but you brought Uncle Kurt’s name into it, so here we are.
Bruv. Really?
So what is Kurt going on about with all that “start the story as close to the end as possible” nonsense?
The story is the crossing of the gorge, not the road that got us there.
Again, another absolutely clear and self-explanatory metaphor that requires no extra effort on my part. I’m on roll. I don’t even need to say anything more. Let’s just end this thing.
Start late; end early. Bye.
— Thaddeus Thomas
This bullshit is stacked right on top of that other pile of bullshit for a mega pile of bullshit that is both literally and metaphorically bullshit piled on top of bullshit.
A nugget of wisdom?! HERE?! Yup.
It sounds good, but it’s the same concept as an amplifier you can dial up to 11.
Here’s where he takes all of that beautiful build-up that he’s gone through and just slams me into the fucking ground with it. This right here tells me that “no, Haly, I am in fact NOT going to give any advice on when it SHOULD be used (aside from that Frankenstein monstrosity of a metaphor). I’m not going to give any clarity or guidance on the subject,” such as….
Oh…I don’t know….
The natural beginning of a chapter that is picking up from a cliffhanger.
As an immediate hook in a serial where you’re trying to agitate new readers into starting at the beginning.
Stream-of-consciousness perspective (Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice…)
Any story where you want your reader to tell their friends, “Bro, it felt like I was reading a fucking movie! You gotta check this out!”
Just. Because. You. Love. The. Danger. And want to grow and explore new techniques and fail at them and learn and grow some more. Fuck, you might even MASTER it one of these days, if you try hard enough and fail often enough.
Sure, it might not be the best choice for a novel (all those best-selling thrillers aside), but it’s got plenty of uses and is worth learning how to do safely.
Like playing with fire.
Consider The Odyssey.
No, YOU consider The Odyssey! I’m married to an Irish-Greek I will beat you with a boat oar.
I’m not going to bother with any more quotes here, because we cannot push new boundaries in independent publishing by considering The Odyssey. Again. For the 800th time. This week.
Stare the danger in the eye and poke it in the belly-button until it smiles. It’s the only way you’ll ever grow.
This format would have made college so much more bearable. I wanna see professors up on stage fighting!
😁